Gavriel's Birth Story

Since I've always meant to share this, it seems appropriate on my little man's first birthday. I can't believe he's one already! The year has sped by. I want to post this because I have learned so much from others' stories and love them myself. 
When posting Jacqueline's story I wrote, "when we were preparing for Jacqueline's birth, I definitely learned just as much or more from reading birth stories as from reading actual information on childbirth. There's something about someone else's experience that teaches you so much, and sticks in your head more, just like the culture and stories of history were easier to remember than the 'dates and dead people.' There are others I'd like to read in the future, but my favorite book was Ina May's Guide to Childbirth - full of both birth stories and wonderful teaching. I hope our story is encouraging to you in some way, and this is where any gentlemen reading may prefer to step aside, or those uninterested in birth stories and their details :)"

Neither I nor my midwives expected that I would reach my due date. Jacqueline came early, and this belly was big, engaged, and contracting with Braxton Hicks which had been strong all the way through the pregnancy. I even had concern about preterm labor, which may have been partly paranoia but felt possible, having never even crossed my mind in my first pregnancy. I felt deep pressure (and, only sometimes, pain) throughout the last few weeks, which always made labor feel imminent. The Braxton Hicks seemed to actually taper off nearer the birth, though the two days before I felt 'crampy' (a word I see a lot in birth stories but never related to), and even told my midwife. 

The night before Gavriel was born, my friend who had agreed to watch Jacqueline while I was in labor kindly let me know her family was fighting a cold and I might not want Jacqueline around to catch it. At her suggestion, I called a different friend, who was eager to help but waiting to hear if she had to go out of town. She suggested another friend, whom I texted (not wanting to put her on the spot) and she immediately responded that they would be happy to watch Jacqueline at any time necessary. I had no idea it would be less than twelve hours later!

   I woke up a little before 5 a.m. on my due date, February 21st, with a real contraction. I knew what it meant and was the exact same start as to my first labor. I felt blessed that it started in the morning again. After a few contractions I got up to use the restroom and grabbed my phone to look at the time. I tried to sleep but checked my phone to see how far apart the contractions were - fifteen to twenty minutes over the course of the hour. I may have dozed. At six o'clock I woke Joel up by vocalizing through a contraction (again, the same as the first time!). I really did try to sleep and rest some more, but eventually we both got up, wanting to get ready before Jacqueline woke, and unable to sleep again. 

I made two pieces of toast with lots of butter, and intended to make a smoothie but never got to it. I was bound and determined to make my 'labor-aid' electrolyte drink so I got that ready and put it in the fridge, leaning over the counter or washing machine every so often for a contraction. Sometimes they were right after each other, sometimes there was a longer break, and sometimes they were mild and sometimes long and hard. I remember telling Joel, 'If this keeps going for a long time, the tub is going to feel very good.' We hadn't been sure if we would want to bother setting it up or not. After a surprisingly short time, I just wanted to lie down, which I did after exchanging my shirt for the short, black nightgown I wore when Jacqueline was born. 

We decided to call the midwives at 7, and Wanda said she would leave right after showering and that Cindy would start a bit later since she was so close to us. After hanging up I thought, 'oh great...this really better move along well; have I called too early?' I was pretty sure it was moving quickly but worried that it wasn't. I knew the second time was often much faster but it seemed too crazy! Joel called our friends, who said they would come pick Jacqueline up right away. Joel woke her up and got her ready, and I kept lying on my side. Our friends arrived fairly quickly, and Joel went to help them put the carseat in and Jacqueline stayed with me in our room. The contractions were pretty hard and I didn't like that Joel had to be busy with Jacqueline and other things, and I didn't want to scare Jacqueline. I couldn't help making noise when they hit though, and Jacqueline started crying! But she soon left with our friend and had a fantastic morning with them. Joel tried to hook up the hose adapter we had bought for the kitchen sink for filling the birth tub, and the adapter didn't work. I wasn't too disappointed since at that point I was pretty sure we wouldn't have time for it anyway, or much need. Just after Jacqueline was picked up, our midwife's assistant, Cindy, arrived. Her presence was very calming and it was reassuring to have someone there. She smelled nice, and a day or two later when I somehow got a lingering whiff of her perfume, I felt the same wave of relief and relaxation that I did during labor. I was already reaching a point where I needed more support, and it was a relief to know someone who knew what they were doing was around in case things happened extra fast! Cindy had me use the bathroom several times, and spend a few contractions on hands and knees. She called Wanda and said, 'We're definitely having a baby, and you might want to hurry!' That made it even more real. 

    When I was in labor with Jacqueline, I didn't do anything to move around or try to help things progress more quickly, being partly in denial that it was the real thing and not wanting to wear myself out, and partly because I just didn't want to make it worse. I planned to move around a lot more this time, but when the time came I just wanted to lie down. Sensing that what I was feeling was the same the last few hours with my first birth, I didn't want to rush before all the midwives were there and also knew my body didn't really need any help moving things along. I was also too afraid to consciously do anything that would make contractions get harder! I was consistently vocalizing in the low register, but in between waves I remember talking pretty fast, telling Cindy I was nervous and that it was so intense, and so much more than last time, and that I couldn't relax my legs or my body at all between contractions - basically trying to make her aware of everything I was feeling. She was reassuring and soothing. I was shaking, and thinking I probably couldn't do this much longer if it was already this bad. At the same time, I knew it was going to go quickly. Cindy asked if I could get on my hands and knees for a bit to give her and Joel a chance to quickly get the bed ready. I told her I was afraid the pressure would be too great if I did that, and the others hadn't arrived yet. It was fine though, and Joel and Cindy quickly made the bed. That was another relief, to know I wouldn't ruin anything! Kneeling actually relieved some of the pressure I had been afraid would get worse. I kept telling Cindy there was a lot of pressure whenever I got up, and she didn't push me too hard to move around. 

I think around 8, Wanda and Dawn arrived, and I was happy to see them. My memory is definitely blurry, but contractions were very long and intense now. Joel or Cindy brought me a heating pad, which helped to take the edge off, and me to loosen up. 

Wanda suggested, 'Why don't you get in the shower?' 

I didn't want to.

 'I want you to go through two contractions standing and holding onto Joel.'

'Why don't you sit on the toilet for two contractions?' 

I just said no, no, no! I don't want to. It will hurt too much, it's happening too fast. I thought they were crazy. 

They finally convinced me to use the bathroom again and I knelt next to the bed for awhile. Back on the bed, I was laboring on my hands and knees as well. The contractions felt so different from what I remembered. They were sharper, and I could feel my baby moving down and around, wiggling into place and moving inside. It was not comfortable! It is an amazing experience to feel what it going on, but it was not a nice sensation on top of the contraction. I had been using two heating pads on and off, which was a great help when they were held against my lower back and under my belly during contractions. It also helped when Joel or Cindy rubbed me - anywhere. The heat was nice but so was any distraction. 

   From the time that Wanda arrived, each stage felt like only a few minutes. I was on the bed, laboring hard and feeling him move down, and I could tell that I was not relaxing fully and fighting it a bit. Ina May has never failed me, and I started doing her 'horse lips,' making the ridiculous sound as hard as I could through each wave. That was amazingly helpful through those last few, painful contractions! I think it was just as much a nice distraction as it was helping me relax my lower body. It gradually shifted to full on grunting as my body wanted to push. (Around this point, Wanda's phone rang and she answered because she had another mom in labor, and said, 'Is it an emergency? Ok, I'll call you back, catching a baby!')

He was coming and everything was ready, and Wanda asked permission to break my water so that they wouldn't all get splashed in the face, since the water bag was right there. I asked if it would hurt and then said it was fine. I'm fascinated by the idea of seeing a baby born 'in the caul,' but looking back I'm glad we did this in case it would have affected the rest of his birth. 

With the next contraction I felt the warm gush as Wanda broke my water. I was actively pushing now and going with the urge, and Joel was up in front of me at the head of the bed, for me to lean on him while I knelt. When the head was very near, I told them I could feel myself tensing up, and I was worried about tearing. I was thinking a little bit too hard with my head as well as just letting my body do what it needed to. When the baby was almost crowning and I said something else, Wanda quickly told me to lie on my side if I was worried. 

I started arguing and kept saying, 'But you told me to be on my hands and knees! I want to be on my hands and knees! I want to avoid tearing as much as I can!' I was thoroughly confused since it had been the topic of much discussion beforehand! She said, "I can support you much better if you lie down now; you won't tear." I turned over, and a few pushes later, Gavriel's head was crowning (not as hard, but as insanely painful as the first time!) and out. 

I waited for the beautiful, slippery feeling of the baby's body to slide out, but it didn't come. Wanda said, 'Hands and knees, now, mama, hands and knees!" Without even thinking, I was on my hands and knees, feeling the strange but not painful movements of Wanda maneuvering my baby's shoulders and body the rest of the way out. It was pretty amazing to know exactly what was going on (Ina May!) and to not be afraid at all, but acting quickly and knowing what my midwife was doing. Still, I was confused why it was taking so long to free his shoulder dystocia, and the three midwives kept saying 'push! Push hard!' There was so much movement it felt like three babies were coming out of me, but after freeing his shoulders he had had his cord wrapped around his body (not neck) which took some maneuvering as well. I did push hard, even without a contraction (which felt very strange, especially since there wasn't much to push against anymore). It was all probably only a few seconds, maybe half a minute, but it felt long. Finally, Gavriel had slipped completely out, and they placed him on the bed under me. 

  That was the most incredible moment. Just as I had wanted, there for me to look at and pick him up, unrushed. I thought, 'oh, hello,' and felt like I was greeting someone completely foreign and new and different. He was beautiful and big and a little blue, with pink around the edges, and his head was to the side. Everyone was saying 'pick up your baby!' especially because he was a little grey, and I picked him up and held him. They helped me take my nightgown off to be skin-to-skin, and turn around to lie back on the pillows. He was lying against me and we all rubbed him a bit and covered up, and he got beautifully pink and cried. 

It was so lovely. I felt like I didn't recognize him and he was this new wonderful person who was sent to be part of us. He had such a distinct, individual look. I noticed from my first glance that he had a bit of a cone head, which surprised me because of the fast birth, but was probably due to his size. Joel and I sat with him for the first hour, looking at and having skin time, and he nursed eagerly and well, like he was already hungry and knew what to do. 

Not long after, especially because of nursing, my after pains started and were very distracting. We waited almost an hour for the placenta to deliver, which was not fun although it eventually came easily (again, feels like you are pushing nothing and have no muscle!). The cord was not cut for a long time, though I can't remember if it was before or after the placenta came. They had given me two dropperfuls of angelica tincture to encourage it to detach. Not long after the placenta was birthed, they gave me another herbal tincture for bleeding, and something a little stronger later on (I cannot be certain whether it was necessary or not, but I still appreciate the midwives' caution and keeping my first birth/afterbirth in mind. I think they may have thought I had a bleeding issue the first time, which I didn't as far as I know.).  I had some of my beloved 'labor-aid' and hated it. Joel made me a smoothie, but I got sick (while nursing!). Wanda told me several times that she didn't like how pale I looked or the fact that I didn't feel good. I felt the same way after Jacqueline's birth, and think a large part of it was not eating well in early labor, which will now absolutely be my priority for next time. What finally livened me up was chicken broth, prepared by Dawn. It tasted SO good and was exactly what I needed. 

When Gavriel was finally weighed, Wanda announced 'Eight pounds, four ounces,' and I was in SHOCK. Dawn, who had had big babies, said, "I knew it! When I saw him I thought, that's my kind of baby."  I was just as amazed when Wanda told me I had no injury whatsoever, especially with his size and stuck shoulders. I didn't think I'd ever have an eight pound baby, or a 4 and a half hour labor, without tearing! I couldn't believe it. It was such a gift, all of it. 

Gavriel Lewis - 8 lbs 4 oz - 20 in - 9:35 a.m.