Jacqueline's Birth Story

It has officially been six months, half a year since Jacqueline was born. It feels simultaneously like yesterday and forever ago. I've been wanting to post this, long, somewhat edited, since I finished recording it for myself two months after she was born. For several reasons, one being that I love reading birth stories myself! I could read and listen to women's stories all day. Also, when we were preparing for Jacqueline's birth, I definitely learned just as much or more from reading birth stories as from reading actual information on childbirth. There's something about someone else's experience that teaches you so much, and sticks in your head more, just like the culture and stories of history were easier to remember than the 'dates and dead people.' There are others I'd like to read in the future, but my favorite book was Ina May's Guide to Childbirth - full of both birth stories and wonderful teaching. My labor was 15 hours total, but I was probably in active labor from about 1 or 2 p.m. until 10:23 when she was born. I truly did not have any sense of the passage of time! Taking it one moment and one contraction at a time definitely made that possible. Anyway, I hope our story is encouraging to you in some way (if you are a girl, that you are perfectly created to do this!), and this is where any gentlemen reading may prefer to step aside, unless interested in that sort of thing ;)

[Jacqueline in utero, two days before giving birth]

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                I had been going to bed late and sleeping in late since arriving in Washington, but Friday morning I woke up at 7:30 with contractions that hurt. It was markedly different from the Braxton-Hicks, and I couldn’t really keep quiet with the next one, so Joel woke up. They were roughly every 10-15 minutes, and for the next hour we tried to stay peaceful and rest. I didn’t want to get too excited and hyped up in case nothing was really happening, and because I knew that could hinder progress. I was thankful to have had a full night’s sleep, especially because the contractions were already too strong to try to sleep again. After about an hour we started timing them with Joel’s phone, and I stayed lying in bed as they came every ten minutes or so. Mentally we were still trying to keep from telling ourselves this was real labor, and if it wasn’t, I didn’t want to speed it up, so I didn’t do much, which was probably silly but it didn’t matter much.

Eventually I did sit up, and Joel’s grandma sat with me for awhile. Sitting up, contractions were every 7 minutes, and if I got up at all or walked to the restroom, they were every 3 minutes. We deliberated over whether or not to call Charlene, and eventually decided to call just to let her know, and since the contractions were getting more painful and could be so close. I knew if I walked around they would continue every few minutes, but for some reason I wasn’t interested in that. They were lasting up to 2 full minutes by this point, and I definitely had to vocalize through them. From the very beginning in the morning they’d been painful enough to prompt me to vocalize through the contractions, and that urge was getting more forceful. It’s funny how I absolutely didn’t care about how that sounded, just like I didn’t care about anything else as time went on. So the entire day I was making sounds as low as possible (probably like a cow’s lowing J), having read Ina May’s wisdom about the lower register helping your body to relax and open up. I was able to keep that in the back of my mind the whole time, and would guess that it helped things go as smoothly as they did.

Around 1 p.m. I called Charlene and described everything to her, and she said, “Congratulations, it sounds like you’re in early labor,” (early labor!? What is late labor!?) “call me back when something changes.” Within the hour Joel was calling her back and asking her to come now, and contractions got quickly stronger and more frequent. It finally seemed real, and Joel got the bed ready while I sat on the couch. I tried the birthing ball but that didn’t seem to help. It was getting harder to focus during contractions, and I asked Joel to clean and fill the tub. Getting in sounded so nice, but it’s hard to say whether it felt good or not. I’m sure it helped, but I can’t compare when they still hurt so much!

  Charlene called back and said that Roxanne was on her way, which was good news, and that she’d be shortly behind her.  [Roxanne was a midwife and nurse-practitioner whom we had met only the week before at an appointment with Charlene. Charlene had wanted us to go see her for advice on the infection we thought I had, but it was just too far for us to drive – almost 3 hours. We planned to see someone else, but then that day she providentially stopped by to see Charlene, and graciously agreed to give us a consultation right there in our own midwife’s office! We absolutely loved her, a warm, kind, wise older woman whom we learned a lot from. Two days before I went into labor, Charlene had told us that they hoped to work together more in the future, and that as the start of that she had especially requested to attend our birth. We were thrilled at that news and that is how we came to have two amazing, loving, Christian older women and experienced midwives attending our birth instead of just Charlene and two young assistants, though we would have been thankful for that alone.]

I stayed in the tub and Joel brought kettles of boiling water to add to it periodically. By the time Roxanne arrived from Olympia at 3:30, it was very intense. I had a protein shake, and Joel brought me cool washcloths, which I distracted myself with by smashing my forehead into them against the side of the tub and feeling it drip down cold. Contractions were lasting at least 2 minutes and were very close together. After smiling to see Roxanne I pretty much could not pay attention to anything. She checked my blood pressure and temperature, and eventually felt the baby’s position and heartbeat when she could catch a moment between contractions. Baby’s position was good, which surprised me as I had been certain I could feel her in posterior an hour earlier, and she had been close to that a few days before.

 One thing we were very thankful for is that the baby’s heartbeat was perfect throughout, whether checked during or between contractions, toward the end and when I was pushing. That was never a worry and it was always lovely to hear the steady thumping and approval.

  I was feeling a little nervous about making it through such intense feelings, but Roxanne was incredibly encouraging, as was Joel. (‘You are doing it!’) I was starting to feel very cramped in the deep but tight tub, and need to move around more. I hesitated to get out because I was so afraid of a contraction hitting as I climbed out or walked to the next room, but was eventually forced out by having to use the bathroom, when there was some bloody show finally. They seemed to hurt a lot more walking around, but I went through a few hanging on to Joel. Rocking on the birthing ball helped for awhile, but I got bored of every position – kneeling against the bed or on hands and knees, and eventually lying down on my side because lying down sounded so good in between contractions, even though it was awful during them. I felt a strange sensation of my body pushing in one contraction, and told Roxanne. I was getting very tired by this point, and wondered where Charlene was. She finally arrived at 6:30, and Joel spent awhile helping her unload and setting up all of her stuff. It was good to see her, and I heard her ask, “Why is she lying on her side, did someone tell her to do that?” Roxanne said, “No one has told her to do anything!” Charlene listened to me go through a contraction and said “oh, that’s some hard labor.”

  She asked if I wanted to be checked, and I hesitated, but said no, as long as she felt that was ok. Charlene said I never had to if I didn’t want to, and not to be afraid of that. I remember thinking that if I wasn’t at least almost completely dilated, there was no way I could mentally want to keep going this way. Every couple contractions I felt the urge to push, but wasn’t really following that, still nervous of not being ready and not wanting to tire myself out before it was time. They suggested I might want to change positions, and I sat on the birthing ball for awhile, but my legs were so exhausted from supporting me. Joel sat on the bed and I rested my weight on him. I still felt my body bear down every few contractions.

 When Charlene checked the baby, she said that she couldn’t find the baby’s back and felt she needed to check me to ensure the baby’s positioning and the safety of our progress, especially if the contractions were pushing but not each time. I really appreciated that she hadn’t insisted on it before. That was excruciating, but she felt the baby and bag of waters, and said I was fully dilated except for a lip of cervix around the baby’s head. She suggested getting on my hands and knees to try to encourage it to push back around the baby's head. I rocked on my hands and knees for a long time, trying to rest my upper body on pillows in between contractions. They were harder and harder and nearly on top of one another now. Roxanne pushed my hips together during one to relieve pressure, and the relief from that was amazing, though I still felt it in my belly. She and Joel took turns pushing on my hips during the contractions, and I got pretty demanding about that! It was very helpful and at least distracted me, but it had to be a very particular point, and really hard!

I was exhausted, and lay back against the couch between one contraction. Roxanne and Charlene were sitting on the bed across from me, and I heard Charlene say soothingly, “You are doing so well, getting this sweet baby out. Relax and rest now, and just imagine Jesus, picture Jesus there right with you, giving you strength and all of that energy just flowing over you.” And another contraction started. I was so dazed, but the calming words and resting for a moment felt wonderful, whatever she said or meant.

When I used the bathroom again my water broke, and I sat there for a long time going through contractions. By this time it was probably about nine o’clock p.m. The urge to push was coming much more frequently now, and I tried to work with it, or at least let it happen. I asked if that was ok or if I needed to wait for anything, and Charlene told me to do what my body was telling me to do. I tried to push more, but was letting a lot of the energy out in my voice instead of bearing down. That happened repeatedly, and the feeling was still sporadic. Since the urge was irregular Charlene checked me again, which I scarcely remember, and said that the baby had moved down nicely and that ‘the lip of cervix was still there but I just pushed it back, so you’re good now.’ I thought that was really cool! Amazing midwives. I still didn’t really like pushing – there was so much pressure and the attempt was uncomfortable so I didn’t try hard. I leaned forward on Joel so there was no weight on my jelly legs.

After awhile she asked me to try to just breathe through a contraction instead of pushing, to see how ready I really was, but the breathing quickly turned to an impossible grunt, and I said “I can’t!” It’s amazing how the birthing body works. Charlene and Roxanne chimed in unison, ‘do what your body is telling you, let it push!’ I loved that. It really was like my body was pushing, not me. I did try then, and they brought in a birthing stool and prepared the bathroom in case that was where she was born. Charlene took her robozo scarf and wrapped it behind her, knotting the ends for me to hold on to. I pulled on it while she leaned back during contractions, and she told me to curve my body like a ‘C’ as I pushed. [I thought this was fantastic, as I've always loved the birth scene in the film Nativity Story, where Elizabeth labors pulling on a rope from the ceiling! It made so much sense.] Now I liked pushing, and learned to give more and more energy and effort to it. I had barely any break at all between contractions, but was happier in between. Joel gave me drinks of Vitamin Water mixed with Airborne since I had barely eaten. Pushing became a relief for the contractions, and a way to get around them. I pulled as hard as I could on the robozo and curled my body around, and Joel pushed downward along my back, which felt good though I didn’t ask him to. Charlene said the baby’s head was an inch away, and Roxanne held a mirror up but I didn’t make the effort to look – I hadn’t really wanted to. She came closer and they told me she had lots of dark hair, and I was so excited! I was thrilled the baby had hair, and loved that it was dark. I couldn’t believe they could see her. Pushing on the stool was a very powerful feeling, and seemed like an efficient position, but sitting on it was getting uncomfortable in the short rests between contractions. We decided to make a quick move to the bed finally.

I hesitated as I got onto the bed because I didn’t think reclining could be good for pushing and I also wanted to be in as good a position as possible to avoid tearing. The midwives reassured me and propped me up with pillows. I was on my left side and resting between the contractions. It was such a strange process – feeling completely spent and helpless in between, and then working so powerfully to push and get away from the sensation of the contractions. Not knowing what it was supposed to feel like, I’d thought the baby was close to crowning for a long time, and was slightly nervous. Finally after being on the bed for several pushes, the baby’s head was right there and pressing forward more and more. Charlene reminded me how I would need to breathe when she told me, and as the baby finally began to crown I was able to do that with her and try to hold back from pushing (even though the vocalizing was more like screaming at this point). They were so encouraging.  Until she fully crowned, we kept wondering which push would actually keep her there, but it kept retreating, just like Ina May says is normal for a first time mother and a way for her body to stretch and prepare, as it should be, so I was glad. But then she stayed, and I wondered how I could wait for another contraction, and with the next one her whole head was out. Joel was sitting next to me, and though he hadn’t thought he’d want to, he was glad to see her head being born, and said seeing her face all squished up was the most remarkable thing ever. Roxanne said she was grimacing at her. They told me to look down and see my baby’s head, and I saw the tiny, dark round head, and it felt utterly surreal. She was still inside me, but she was coming out to meet us and it was really happening.

With the next contraction Charlene told me to breathe and not push again, so I held back really carefully as the baby was pushed out by the contraction. There was slight resistance, but then I felt her slippery body come out as the midwives caught her as she cried, and immediately this tiny, wet body was lying on my chest. Her head bobbing, eyes wide open looking straight at me, face pink and rosy, and she was so beautiful. I wish I could do that part over and over and over again – feeling her slide out, the instant relief of all pain, and seeing her wide-eyed, for the first time.

She was very alert and awake, looking around but mostly at my face. We were skin to skin, covered with blankets, and got settled more comfortably on the bed. Charlene said ‘Do you know what you have?’ Joel had seen, and it was a relief that it was a girl like we thought – all those pink clothes! And we were so happy. She got her thumb in her mouth – something she didn’t really do for quite a few weeks after that. They asked if she had a name, and we told them she was Jacqueline Talora, and a little bit about where it came from. We couldn’t write it all on the birth certificate yet though, since we needed Jackie’s spelling still. The placenta came smoothly and quickly, within ten minutes or so. Roxanne helped me try nursing a little bit, which was tricky but I was amazed when we did it a little bit. Jacqueline’s first bit of meconium got on the blankets that were on us before she was even in a diaper, and it happened to be a receiving blanket with cars on it that we’d bought for the birth at a thrift store. “That’s what I think of boy blankets!” Roxanne laughed.

They told us that her elbow had been up by her shoulder as she was born, and I was very thankful that she hadn’t gotten stuck or anything. Because of the nuchal elbow, I had a small, maybe 2^nd degree tear, though at first Roxanne thought I didn’t have any. She said ‘you were intact with her head though, so it probably would not have happened were it not for the hand.’ I thought that was really neat, even though this time it couldn’t be avoided.

 After at least an hour, Joel held the baby for the first time. The midwives were there for several more hours getting us situated, packing up their things, and making sure I would be ok. Roxanne performed Jacqueline’s newborn exam, with her lying right on my chest. That was amazing  - she never left me or Joel for a moment. She was perfect and healthy, and her APGAR was 9 or 10 they decided. She was 6 pounds, 10 and a half ounces, and 19 inches long; a little peanut they said.

Charlene and Roxanne made such a perfect team, and we loved everything about working with them. We are so thankful for the homebirth experience and the care of our midwives. As we woke the next morning we could hear the neighboring cows moo! It was strange and wonderful to be right there at home still. 

Though it may not sound like it when written out step by step, I really had no sense of time throughout my labor. I was always surprised at how much time had passed if anyone mentioned it, and never felt like time was dragging on. It went by very quickly, and I was able to unconsciously focus on riding one wave at a time as they came and went. Fifteen hours is long, but it didn’t feel like it, and I had mentally prepared for a days-long first time mother’s labor.  It was hard, very hard, and very painful, but I also thought it might be worse. I hope I’m not more nervous next time, knowing what to expect now! At the same time, each contraction was an eternity, but the hours went quickly and suddenly our baby was nearly there. And now she’s two months (as I finish this)!

It was so smooth, and I don’t think either of us wondered or worried for a minute if we’d made the right decision and would be safe at home. I thought I might worry, but once we were in the thick of it, it was so natural that I knew it was ok. I just thought my body might not be capable of it - but it was so beautiful to see that I almost didn’t have control over it! It worked without me, you could say, working as God designed it.